I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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