He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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