Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
