When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
