About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
now i know why i became what i already was.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
