she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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