the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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