What a fucking waste of an outfit
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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