I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We left an ass print on the piano.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
