I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
