So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
