i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
