I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize