some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
her facebook's as public as her vagina
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
