Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
