I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
