you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
