hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Everything about him screamed your future.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
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I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
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I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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