and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
