Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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