Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
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I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
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My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize