At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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