oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
