Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
