Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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