i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
