I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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