There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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