is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
