who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
