as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
