My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
