well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
