Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So much Jack, so little girl.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
