tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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