how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
