Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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