Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
