is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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