What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
