I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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