We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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