Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
