Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
