I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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