omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
