mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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