If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
