New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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