I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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