I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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