o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my sisters under your porch take her home
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize