im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
