when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
