Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Holy shit dude........stairs
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