I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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