She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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