Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
