i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
