my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
