Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he's single and there are thong briefs.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
