i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
