dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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