So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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