Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
