Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
