You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
