yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
whose ass print is on the piano?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
