Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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