remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
