just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My breasts were aching with rage.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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