So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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