I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
