The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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