Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
