So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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