At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
