Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
