i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
