i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
