Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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