I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
