Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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