Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
