were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
