so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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